On the Act of Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, ⁵ does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, ⁶ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ^7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸ Love never fails;

We celebrated our second wedding anniversary this weekend. What a change from last year! James was still in England and I was in already in Canada. In 1 year, we are settled, home-buyers with a full career and a baby on the way! What a busy year! But what a wonderfully enriching year. It's difficult to believe that the wedding was already 2 years past, but to feel at the same time that we have been together for most of our lives. I am so pleased that we were able to celebrate this anniversary together before James left for his training. We had to make the effort to carve the day out for ourselves and our whimsy, but it was so rewarding! A day, for us, and only us. Our last anniversary as a couple, our next will be as a family! 

I have posted blogs in the past about this, but following an email to my great-aunt today, I am reminded that I am truthfully, wholly thankful that I am married to the perfect person for me. The best match for my life. Not just a man, not just a friend, not just a relationship. Not just a "next logical step" or "relationship that ended up that way". Someone that loves me as much as I love him, albeit differently. My husband, my mate, my partner, who fills me with joy, and hope and excitement. And also, frustration, annoyance, and at times, exasperation! I have thought light-heartedly that God brought us together to test me, refine me and make me rely further on Him. Now I'm certain of it. 

As we struggle to settle in to our new routine - James staying away at college during the week, while I keep the home fires burning and attempt to do the necessary in regards to our new house - I have had a rude awakening in the meaning of love. 

The act of loving, which looks so different to the speaking of love. 

An abrupt teaching on humility at the same time. 

One of my worst flaws is my pride. I often speak of love, the evidence of actions vs words, the necessity for balance in marriage, the responsibility of partners in this journey. And the reality is that what I speak is truth. Unfortunately, what I have practised is not. 

I selfishly and unfairly expected James to provide his entire evening of free time to me, to support my need to discuss the house, our finances, my day. I did want to discuss his day, his interactions with people, but it was to satisfy my need for emotional intimacy. James is in a residence on his own, without any other members of his unit, while the other men are all of the same unit. He is experiencing isolation, unfamiliar surroundings and adjusting to a new routine, new studies and new expectations. My heart said "me, me, me" and I acted on that rather than what I know love to be - selfless, patient and kind. And I won. Rather than feeling close to my husband, supported and loved, I felt selfish and unfulfilled and realised that I'd been brought up short on my pride. 

Love is an act, not just a word. The act of love is selfless, and kind and patient and understanding. It endures, it hopes and it does not fail. God has loved me as such every single day. He loves me so much that He's taught me a fast lesson on humility and love, without causing too much pain. I am humbled, and hopefully, my husband's patience will continue as my learning continues. 

I suppose, with our 2nd anniversary just past (and what a lovely day it was!), and the uncertainty of the future settling in, I should start practising the act of the love much more fervently. We do, after all, intend to be married for a very very long time and I'd really rather be happy!