Food! Glorious Food!

...That's all that we live for! Well...not all...but its pretty central to my existence. Not in the "I need to fuel my body to survive" type of reliance, more the "I've already eaten this and that today, which means I still get to eat or want to eat or shouldn't eat"...you get the idea.

I wouldn't like to use the term "obsessed". It conjures images of crazed women, salivating, their eyes bulging over a slice of cake or posessively curling their bodies around a burger and fries (like the ones from Earl's..with avocado and basil mayonnaise).

I'd like to think that I am just one of those people that takes pleasure from cooking and eating good food. Though, even in typing that sentence my conscience tsk's at me disagreeably.

I suppose, if I were to be awfully honest, I take pleasure in shopping for food, preparing it, presenting it, serving it, as well as eating it. I do not however, take pleasure in denying myself the foods of my fancy. Especially since we have developed such a loving bond. When I'm stressed, it actually creates a chemical reaction that makes me feel calmer, relaxed and on par with the world. A chemical reaction! What a natural relationship!

 When I am in good spirits, it provides limitless options for celebration or simply socialisation.

Which brings me to the awfulness of my current state. A diet. (feel free to insert a "dum dum dum" at your leisure)

This is no ordinary diet. This does not involve "Eating well" or "cutting back on portions" or "limiting desserts to one per week". This is the no sugar, no dairy, no starch, 1000 calorie per day, rest your pancreas, burn your body's carbohydrate stores diet. This diet is serious.

The enormous amount of protein required per day leaves my hunger satisfied but mood, oh my
mood. My heart, my head and my body are LONGING for good food, for social meal times, desserts, and of course, the wonderful relief of stress. (I still feel that a slice of toast with peanut butter is far more therapeutic than a doctor's office). This diet is testing my will, my heart and my resources. But mostly its testing my motives and forcing me to be honest about my vanity.

Im still uncertain about how long I'll manage to stick to this diet, but the process is slowly eroding my misconceptions about body image, priorities and what my husband really finds attractive.