Disclaimer: For all my friends who are older than me, for my older and wiser family, I love you, dearly. This blog is in no way a reflection of my views of you, only the expectation on myself.
28.
Twenty Eight.
Twenty Eight Years.
YEARS.
Heaven help me. Please, God help me get my act together I clearly am not being successful on my steam, with my own plan.
On the day of my 25th birthday, I woke up in my aunt's guest bed in Cambridge, England, feeling responsible and adult. I woke up knowing that the time for excuses and mistakes was firmly behind me. That I had reached an age where the world would no longer cut me slack due to inexperience or naivity. It was time to grow up. This revelation came to me in a flash, not a slow understanding resulting from introspection and planning. It was a shock. I think its one of the main reasons I stayed in England, and had a whirlwind of living these past 3 years.
During the week of my 27th birthday, I cried. A lot. There was pressure in having our lives on hold while we redecorated the house in order to sell, moved through the process of immigration and feeling like we could not move forward in life in England while waiting to start our lives over in Canada. I felt that at the age of 27, I should've started a career, started a family, or furthered my education. I felt that I had spend an entire year waiting rather than doing. 27 was not a good birthday. A few weeks after my birthday, I committed to having a better year. We sold the house, immigrated to Canada and planned to buy a house and start careers in the following year.
28. We are still settling down. My career path did not work out. My husband's is on hold. We are living with my mother. My mother. May God bless her for taking in her controlling, bossy daughter, her son-in-law and their Yorkie. And for not kicking us out when our plans went awry.
The week before my birthday I cried. But only once. This birthday has not been as harrowing. Thank heaven. My husband woke me up at 7am with a giant cupcake and lit candles glowing in the dark of our bedroom. By far, the best birthday morning ever. I spend this year with my family, eating gourmet burgers, and bowling. It was low key, it was easy, but being around my family softened the blow of getting older. Getting old. 28. is. old. 28 is too old to not have started a career, or started a family or gone back to studying or working on decorating our first home, our new home. It is too old to be stalemated.
I am thankful to be around my family. I am thankful that I reached 28 in once piece. I am thankful that I have plans for the next year. But I am wary that nothing stops while I plan and prepare and wait and hold out and stand in indecision.
I really hope I get something accomplished this year or 29 will be bad. Very bad. (this is not an invitation to tell me about The Secret). I will pray for direction, decision, opportunity and patience. And if not patience, grace. And a good wrinkle cream.
Sweet, sweet Tams.
ReplyDeleteDespite you feeling like your life is not at all where you think it should be, it does NOT take God by surprise where you are at this moment. He's not all "Oh crap! What is she DOING!? She should have been doing such and such by now! How can I get through to her!?!?" No. He is not. I remember someone wise once said to me that by skipping ahead to the good parts of life, we miss the lessons learned along the way. (That was you, more or less by the way.)
I love you. Happy birthday, my friend.
Glad you had a good birthday morning. xoxo
My dear V. You are always so encouraging. Thank you. And thank you for the reminder on God's wisdom. Missing you muchly. xoxo
ReplyDeleteHi Tamsin, you don't know me, but I really enjoy reading your well written blogs, which I came across quite by accident. Anyway, as a very much older than you woman, I can tell you that what you’ve achieved by 28 is not that bad. It seems to me that you've done some living already. I don't know too many under 30's who have renovated and sold a house successfully, immigrated to a different continent, and have the wherewithal to recognize that time does not stand still and that unless one has a privileged background, everything worth having is going to take hard work to get. When one reaches my age, one realizes that there is a lot of truth to these tired clichés. Furthermore, I would add that perhaps you don’t realize that few folks young or old sincerely appreciate the value of family, which you my dear seemed to have mastered. Good luck to you and your husband and I hope you have a successful year.
ReplyDeleteHi! Thank you so much for the encouraging reply. Its really great to know that other people are able to enjoy my blogging! I suppose I am quite blessed with awareness! We are truly hoping and praying for a successful year as well. Thank you again!!
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